futile resistance

I have spent so much time resisting what is perfect and good and right. I have known what it is, but closing my eyes and covering my ears has just made me feel temporarily "better." Instead of obedience and faith, true faith, that God is enough for me in this moment, in the next moment, and in the moment after that, I worry and fret and cry and bemoan the obedience until I realize how silly I sound and regret the wasted time and energy.

What a silly creature I am. What a wonderful God He is.

So now, in the aftermath of tough decisions and emotionally trying conversation, I just want to sit silently before Him and worship. Worship in the silence. Listen to the silence. Listen for His still small voice, and rejoice whatever it sounds like. I want Him to teach me to pray better on my own. Not to pray in front of people - somehow I have learned to carefully calculate my words into sincere outpourings publicly that are not found when I am alone. Not saying either one is insincere. I just want to be taught again what a personal prayer life looks like. I will ask the Spirit in faith and look to Jesus through Scripture.

Time to do what I write about. And even better, it is raining outside. Amen.

oops here it is

ok so it didn't post. the thing i found that i wanted to share with the world. here is the url:

http://www.abideinchrist.com/selah/nov24.html

perfect for the moment

i got this off the internet - i didn't write it, but it was perfect for the moment i was in so i had to post it. and i will post the link where i found it via wonderful google.

i think it might be listed below. it is on obedience.

i am so excited this morning - i have been playing with my computer - adjusting my home page on google to cater to my needs and interests. it amazes me how far technology comes and how many resources there are out there that i just don't know about. this internet thing is kinda cool, lol.

my friend says i am a pop cultural black hole (which i think includes cool new technology and the internet and stuff). i am beginning to think he is right.

well, black hole no more! i am branching out and learning more about whats . . . out there. 

be ready, world. i am going to learn more stuff. i am already blogging twice in one day.

rc

why blog?

i blog because

it is an avenue of honesty. i can be honest about where, who, and how i am daily. 

it is a way to keep me steady. i write out the things i am discovering in scripture and in life, and somehow, being able to type on this cute little mac makes me want to type more. and i have to have something to write about, so i have to think about where, who, and how i am daily.

it is an opportunity to lay out my thoughts, questions, anxieties, fears, joys, without having immediate feedback. sometimes you just need that.

it makes me feel a little more that there are witnesses to my life i dont know about...and i admit i like the mystery.

thats about it for now.

rc